If the CVB wrote about McFarland Parkway

I’m always blown away by what the Alpharetta Convention and Visitors Bureau puts out. They describe why you should visit Alpharetta using such beautiful prose. Wanting to write with the same sense of poetry, I offer my own attempt by explaining why you should come visit Forsyth’s McFarland Parkway.

Forsyth country road traffic

A lovely country road in Forsyth, just off McFarland!

You’re not in Alpharetta anymore! Welcome to McFarland Parkway, the gateway to beautiful Forsyth County. Come spend the day here and take in all the shopping, culinary delights, spas and hotel amenities we have to offer.

Cruise along our nice, four-lane divided road. It’s one of only a few in the entire county! Watch how it easily pulls cars off GA-400 and onto our network of country roads. If you visit at 5:30pm you’ll be greeted with the spectacle of hundreds of cars stacked up along the shoulder and in turn lanes. It’s an amazing site to behold.

And don’t overlook our landscaping! We choose to let nature run its course here and grow whatever her seeds sow in our medians. Often the foliage is allowed to grow wild, becoming waist-high before we mow it back.

McFarland Clearcut

Unsightly trees recently removed along McFarland.

And don’t miss our mass-grading and clear cutting. You can observe it today at the intersection of McFarland and Shiloh Road. We prefer this manner of development in Forsyth as it removes unsightly, burdensome and messy trees. Our traffic and clear cutting are more evidence of the amazing growth in the county. It’s clearly a signal that this is a desirable place to live and we’re justifiably proud of it!

Spend some time shopping on McFarland. The thrifty shopper is sure to find deals at the Goodwill store. Don’t forget to stop by Forsyth Liquor for your favorite bottle of hooch. And take a short detour along nearby Ronald Reagan Parkway. Close your eyes and imagine a luxury shopping mall here. Wouldn’t that be great? We were promised it years ago. It’ll fit right in with the low-end apartments.

Our dining is second to none. Wendy’s cranks out some curiously square hamburgers that are sure to meet your approval. Or perhaps breakfast is your thing. Have some scattered, smothered and covered hash browns at the ubiquitous Waffle House. Like to live on the adventurous side? Play food safety roulette at BB’s Bagels, known throughout the area for their health inspection scores. Let’s just say they’re always below the mendoza line. And the Americanized Chinese food at Wok and Chopsticks is simply sublime.

Following lunch be sure to check out one of our spas. We have two on McFarland that are sure to get a rise out of you. Staffed with scantly-clad young Asian women, their massage skills will curl your toes and leave you with a happy ending. It’s certainly an experience you won’t find in Alpharetta thanks to Forsyth’s lax enforcement of prostitution laws. For more information, see their ads on backpage.com.

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