If the CVB wrote about McFarland Parkway

I’m always blown away by what the Alpharetta Convention and Visitors Bureau puts out. They describe why you should visit Alpharetta using such beautiful prose. Wanting to write with the same sense of poetry, I offer my own attempt by explaining why you should come visit Forsyth’s McFarland Parkway.

Forsyth country road traffic

A lovely country road in Forsyth, just off McFarland!

You’re not in Alpharetta anymore! Welcome to McFarland Parkway, the gateway to beautiful Forsyth County. Come spend the day here and take in all the shopping, culinary delights, spas and hotel amenities we have to offer.

Cruise along our nice, four-lane divided road. It’s one of only a few in the entire county! Watch how it easily pulls cars off GA-400 and onto our network of country roads. If you visit at 5:30pm you’ll be greeted with the spectacle of hundreds of cars stacked up along the shoulder and in turn lanes. It’s an amazing site to behold.

And don’t overlook our landscaping! We choose to let nature run its course here and grow whatever her seeds sow in our medians. Often the foliage is allowed to grow wild, becoming waist-high before we mow it back.

McFarland Clearcut

Unsightly trees recently removed along McFarland.

And don’t miss our mass-grading and clear cutting. You can observe it today at the intersection of McFarland and Shiloh Road. We prefer this manner of development in Forsyth as it removes unsightly, burdensome and messy trees. Our traffic and clear cutting are more evidence of the amazing growth in the county. It’s clearly a signal that this is a desirable place to live and we’re justifiably proud of it!

Spend some time shopping on McFarland. The thrifty shopper is sure to find deals at the Goodwill store. Don’t forget to stop by Forsyth Liquor for your favorite bottle of hooch. And take a short detour along nearby Ronald Reagan Parkway. Close your eyes and imagine a luxury shopping mall here. Wouldn’t that be great? We were promised it years ago. It’ll fit right in with the low-end apartments.

Our dining is second to none. Wendy’s cranks out some curiously square hamburgers that are sure to meet your approval. Or perhaps breakfast is your thing. Have some scattered, smothered and covered hash browns at the ubiquitous Waffle House. Like to live on the adventurous side? Play food safety roulette at BB’s Bagels, known throughout the area for their health inspection scores. Let’s just say they’re always below the mendoza line. And the Americanized Chinese food at Wok and Chopsticks is simply sublime.

Following lunch be sure to check out one of our spas. We have two on McFarland that are sure to get a rise out of you. Staffed with scantly-clad young Asian women, their massage skills will curl your toes and leave you with a happy ending. It’s certainly an experience you won’t find in Alpharetta thanks to Forsyth’s lax enforcement of prostitution laws. For more information, see their ads on backpage.com.

value_placeAnd finally, check into McFarland’s hotel, the Value Place. You’ll be beckoned over by their glowing neon sign. Or better yet, make it an extended stay with their affordable long-term rates. You’ll certainly want to stick around a while here in the jewel of Forsyth!

14 Responses to “If the CVB wrote about McFarland Parkway”

  1. Ben May 22, 2014 at 9:21 am #

    Milton and Alpharetta better put up a fence.

    1. Fastest growing county pride.
    2. Best place to live…
    3. We have lower property taxes…

    It’s a dumpster fire in 10 years. We saw this play out pretty recently in Gwinnett.

    Remember the next time you gripe about your higher property taxes. Sometimes you get what you pay for.

  2. Kim May 22, 2014 at 9:58 am #

    I echo your thoughts. I drive up to Forsyth weekly and it is like culture shock driving over the county line. It always helps to give me perspective and helps me appreciate what we have in Alpharetta and Milton.

    However we have pockets in Milton/Alpharetta that aren’t so pretty and/or will cease being pretty in 10 or so years. Just like Roswell’s mistake, due to the over-building of apartments, we will have dumpy don’t-go-there-or-take-your-life-in-your-hands zones dotting Milton/Alpharetta. It’s just the nature of the beast with rentals. But at least our medians will be pretty. /snark

  3. Stacey Mueller May 22, 2014 at 10:38 am #

    Hey, come on, you are forgetting the Mercedes dealership. That’s classy!

  4. JP May 22, 2014 at 11:14 am #


    Very witty! Made me laugh out loud…and be thankful I am in Alpharetta. Thanks for the morning chuckle.

  5. David May 22, 2014 at 11:42 am #

    Unfortunately it’s just a fact. The more apartments there are the more crime, traffic, crowding, lower property values and a rapid wear down of the infrastructure.
    Do you increase the tax base? Maybe. But at what cost?

  6. Rich S May 22, 2014 at 12:18 pm #

    OK, McFarland is mostly a partly developed industrial area. I work there. Gladly. But if it is such a pit why did Alpharetta want to acquire a chunk of it and why did Forsyth not buy into the idea?

  7. JP May 22, 2014 at 1:52 pm #

    @Rich S – That’s an easy answer. Why would Alpharetta want to annex that area? Another entrance/exit off GA 400 (huge property value for future development rights) giving it 5 exits (for comparison, Roswell has 1). Commercial/Industrial area (great for tax base) with infrastructure already in place. Very low housing density means less kids and less demand on school system (again, great for tax base).

    Looks like a win/win to me, especially with competent leadership in place.

  8. Michael May 22, 2014 at 1:58 pm #


    Alpharetta- The most materialistic people and place I have ever seen. I grew in South Georgia with average people and working families. North Fulton lives in a bubble/dream world. The parents set up their children for failure giving them everything from expensive cars to expensive trips overseas. What happens when the kids graduate from college expecting to make 100k or not even have worked a day in their life.

    What about the landscape companies all over Alpharetta?? I am sure they are hiring legal citizens…Yeah Right.

    I can go on on but no place is perfect. You may drive your fancy cars, have your trophy wife who stay at home and plays tennis.

    But remember this: you put on your pants just like the hard working citizens in Forsyth county.But hey you can’t take anything with you leave this earth.

  9. Jeff Mason May 22, 2014 at 2:17 pm #

    What you didn’t write about you stuffy Alpharetta tool is about all the wonderful businesses located on Bluegrass Parkway and other business office parks that provide good paying professional jobs to yes, people who live in Alpharetta, Cumming and other areas. All roads and areas aren’t always supposed to be over developed and inundated with restaurants and shopping. And if you want that just drive one exit up to 13 and take a look around. There are plenty of shopping and dining options. Idiot!!

  10. Wayne Farmer May 22, 2014 at 4:46 pm #

    While not the most attractive area of Forsyth county at least it still shines in comparison to where I grew up and moved away from. First there was Bolton road in Atlanta just off Bankhead Hyw. My grandparents lived in Carey Park between Hollywood and Hightower roads. Then I move to Smyrna Ga. which now If I am not mistaken has achieved the number eleven spot on the most dangerous places to live in the USA. So considering it’s an industrial are it still at least is relatively safe.

  11. Trent Cornwell May 22, 2014 at 5:33 pm #


    This is great! I love Alpharetta and love McFarland being that is where the building for the church I serve, Vision Baptist Church, is located. We just purchased 9 acres about 2 miles off of McFarland. We like being in the Alpharetta section of Forsyth County – it has tons of potential.

  12. B May 22, 2014 at 6:02 pm #

    Satire – the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

    Forsyth has an opportunity to make McFarland something nice – like Holcomb Bridge, Mansell, Haynes Bridge, Old Milton, Windward, (skip McFarland), 141, Hwy 20, etc etc etc. There are some real problems on McFarland – i.e. the prostitution. The leaders of Forsyth need to sit down and come up with a plan and vision for what they want and need along this four lane highway. If Forsyth is not careful the businesses located near here will move and the residents who live here now will move. Get strong enough to go after the kinds of businesses you want in this area and make it something special.

    For those who are angry – are you mad about the satire or are you made because parts of it are true?

  13. Dave May 27, 2014 at 10:19 pm #

    While McFarland isn’t perfect, I think you’ve overstated the case. I do hope that county leadership tries to improve the corridor as a whole. My biggest complaint of all the businesses there is the Value Place hotel, I really wish that hadn’t been built. Otherwise, there are several very nice businesses along that road. The spas don’t bother me a bit, I never see any seedy foot traffic around those places and what they do behind their tinted windows matters not to me. Lastly I’ve been eating at Wok & Chopstick for many years, its a great family run restaurant that serves good food at reasonable prices. These are the kind of businesses we should be supporting and saluting, not snarkily implying that they are substandard (which they certainly are not).

  14. Ryan August 26, 2014 at 4:19 pm #

    That was excellent. It said everything I’ve been thinking since I moved to area. It did leave out a few great things like all the billboards. Why the drastic change from Fulton County into Forsyth County. Fulton County no billboards or “spas” then once you cross line they’re everywhere! Forsyth County obviously values revenue over values and standards. McFarland has so much potential but appears completely ignored by county.

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