If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 14 year career in information technology it is this… consultants are worth their weight in gold. Yep, it’s true. They have amazing abilities of perception and knowledge that surpass anything mere cubicle dwellers might have. They can always be counted on to provide innovative solutions that show a deep understanding of both the customer and the problem.
That’s why I was excited to learn that the City of Milton hired a consultant to study redevelopment in Crabapple. I studied with interest the
cartoons streetscapes that were presented to the public. Surely they were the result of hours of painstaking work. Yet it wasn’t until I read this article in The Patch that I truly understood the sheer genius behind this effort.
You see, Crabapple has a little traffic problem. It’s quite bad actually. On my last visit it took me nearly 45 minutes to drive there from my home east of GA-400. I foolishly thought additional road capacity was the solution. But again let me remind you, I’m not the consultant here. I guess you could say that my armchair traffic analysis missed the mark completely. No, we need the complete opposite. The consultant said we need…. wait for it….
To make traffic better we need to make it worse… by slowing cars down. Let’s install things on the roads that actually make it difficult to drive. I suppose the idea is that if traffic becomes so unbearable, people will stop driving all together. This strategy is, in a word, brilliant. Extra capacity and lanes, according to Mr. Consultant, might encourage people to drive. Driving makes traffic. I’m kicking myself while writing this, furious for not thinking of this idea first.
Pedestrians, Bicycles, Horse Trails, Cars
This will be the transportation priority order for Crabapple’s future development. Notice that cars are dead last. Again, it’s sheer genius. It made me think of the owner of the Crabapple antique shop mentioned in this article. Traffic problems are killing his business and he’s struggling to hang on. Can you imagine all the antique furniture he will sell to customers on bicycles or horseback? Saddle up, partners!
Like any good consulting effort, his ideas have spurred my creativity. Why stop at these suggestions? If roads are the enemy then let’s just jackhammer them all! Mayfield and Crabapple Roads would cost far less to maintain if they were gravel roads. I’d also suggest passing new ordinances requiring hitching posts in front of all Crabapple restaurants and shops.
So how would you create “friction” on Crabapple’s roads? I’m sure my blog readers can think of some outstanding ideas to hasten a traffic apocalypse. Together we can declare war on roads and automobiles!