Consultants to Crabapple: Saddle up, partners!

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 14 year career in information technology it is this… consultants are worth their weight in gold. Yep, it’s true. They have amazing abilities of perception and knowledge that surpass anything mere cubicle dwellers might have. They can always be counted on to provide innovative solutions that show a deep understanding of both the customer and the problem.

That’s why I was excited to learn that the City of Milton hired a consultant to study redevelopment in Crabapple. I studied with interest the cartoons streetscapes that were presented to the public. Surely they were the result of hours of painstaking work. Yet it wasn’t until I read this article in The Patch that I truly understood the sheer genius behind this effort.

You see, Crabapple has a little traffic problem. It’s quite bad actually. On my last visit it took me nearly 45 minutes to drive there from my home east of GA-400. I foolishly thought additional road capacity was the solution. But again let me remind you, I’m not the consultant here. I guess you could say that my armchair traffic analysis missed the mark completely. No, we need the complete opposite. The consultant said we need…. wait for it….

“Traffic Friction”

To make traffic better we need to make it worse… by slowing cars down. Let’s install things on the roads that actually make it difficult  to drive. I suppose the idea is that if traffic becomes so unbearable, people will stop driving all together. This strategy is, in a word, brilliant. Extra capacity and lanes, according to Mr. Consultant, might encourage people to drive. Driving makes traffic. I’m kicking myself while writing this, furious for not thinking of this idea first.

Pedestrians, Bicycles, Horse Trails, Cars

This will be the transportation priority order for Crabapple’s future development. Notice that cars are dead last. Again, it’s sheer genius. It made me think of the owner of the Crabapple antique shop mentioned in this article. Traffic problems are killing his business and he’s struggling to hang on. Can you imagine all the antique furniture he will sell to customers on bicycles or horseback? Saddle up, partners!

Like any good consulting effort, his ideas have spurred my creativity. Why stop at these suggestions? If roads are the enemy then let’s just jackhammer them all! Mayfield and Crabapple Roads would cost far less to maintain if they were gravel roads. I’d also suggest passing new ordinances requiring hitching posts in front of all Crabapple restaurants and shops.

So how would you create “friction” on Crabapple’s roads? I’m sure my blog readers can think of some outstanding ideas to hasten a traffic apocalypse. Together we can declare war on roads and automobiles!

4 Responses to “Consultants to Crabapple: Saddle up, partners!”

  1. goode girl April 5, 2011 at 11:12 am #

    I’ve lived in Crabapple since 1981, and I have to agree with you. I’ve never seen horse back riders on any of the streets, very few bicycles, for that matter. I think the consultant’s ideas, while noble, are somewhat skewed. Folks will not take to other forms of transportation to avoid traffic, they will resort to road rage.

  2. Travis Allen April 5, 2011 at 3:28 pm #

    maybe if all the transplants leave we can go back to the old days where I could walk from Bethany Road to “Downtown” Crabapple…j/k

  3. Brandon April 5, 2011 at 4:43 pm #

    I have to agree with the consultant that “friction” would discourage traffic on that stretch of Crabapple/ Mayfield/ Mid Broadwell . It was never intended to be a thoroughfare for Cherokee/ Cobb residents to get to work in the North Fulton business areas. As someone who lives between the silos and downtown Crabapple I would prefer to see that stretch of road as a restaurant and shopping destination.
    A better investment possibly would be to alleviate the huge stream of traffic on Arnold Mill from the bridge on the Cherokee/ Fulton border to where Old Milton becomes 4 lanes.

  4. jimgilvin April 8, 2011 at 7:39 am #

    Creating traffic friction in Crabapple is like bloodletting a patient to cure anemia.

    The problem is that North Fulton, Cherokee and Forsyth counties experienced astronomical growth over the past thirty years while local, county and state governments sat on their thumbs waiting for federal pork projects to fix the resulting traffic issues.

    But now that tax revenues are down and the federal government is going bankrupt the politicians are grasping at straws. They are trying anything to avoid making the difficult choices left to them now that the gravy train is over.

    Maybe people could carry antique armoires on high speed trains?

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